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Love twisted in a choas dance

May. 24th, 2004 | 09:24 am
My eyes show: peacefulI could be worse
The stars dance to: See below...

Take me yes... bind me in your hands and never let me go, drag the blade across soft flesh and watch crimson flow.. make me yours, make you mine.... take me, oh dear master of loving hate, take my soul and bind it to yours... look my not in the eyes, they shall make you crumble... be my alpha, be my beta.... take me away with painful love. A partner, of love, of lust, a master of skillful hands hurtingly loving my body. Worship me as I worship you.. yes, tie the ropes tighter, cut through my skin... love me.. kiss me.... drink from me... become my King, become my Master, I your forever loving slave...
Take me to a place unknown and new, blindfold me and whisper in my ear, lead by my hand, guide me with a blade. Beneath the stars and moon, walking, dancing around tombstones, I am yours and you are mine. Yell at me, scream... kiss me afterwards. hate me with love, hurt me kindly. Please yourself within my haven, your favorite place to me, as I lay beneath you in my favorite place: looking in your eyes, laying in your arms.

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Sashi always finds the best stuff, I swear!

May. 24th, 2004 | 09:22 am
My eyes show: blahMeh meh?
The stars dance to: White water noise... oh yea.. wanna sleep at work

justadarkstar is radioactive. Wear protective clothing at all times.


From Go-Quiz.com

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shall it become it's own person?

May. 21st, 2004 | 09:00 am

Aye... mood swings and headaches, body hurting and need of sleep... I can't live for two people right now... and yet I have no choice but to for now... a miracle is what I need (actually just money)... none the less... get out of me!!!!!!

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Small body in a too young body

May. 17th, 2004 | 10:52 am

Well.. firstly I am home for a week... my cell is 914-399-3581 if anyone wants to call... I enjoy talking to people.. call me, beause you love me...

Now... things have gotten bleh in my life, why? If I trust you I shall tell you... but until then, I shall just rant... so yea... rantage...

Small body growing inside like a parasite, taking life and food to grow.. why live inside of me, plastic broke and parasite left behind. Two cells mulitplying... and I want out, a vaccuum would be lovely... parasite growing inside me, clinging onto my wall

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Go ahead, take off your mask

May. 9th, 2004 | 11:37 pm

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

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Apr. 27th, 2004 | 12:50 pm
My eyes show: boredbored
The stars dance to: shhhhhhhhhhhh quiet

1. What is your full name: Victoria Elizabeth Serena Vanderlyn
2. What color pants are you wearing now: I'm supposed to be wearing pants?
3. What are you listening to right now: not a damn thing
4. What are the last 2 digits of your mobile phone number: 81
5. What was the last thing you ate: Dark chocolate Hersey Kiss
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be: Black
7. How is the weather right now: Kinda cloudy but sunny
8. Last person you talked to on the phone? Mike verbally... Matt Text
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex: eyes, smile, clothing
10. Do you like the person who sent this to you: Yeppers, Jules is great
11. How are you today? I am here, aren't I?
12. Favorite drink: The iced tea I make
13. Favorite alcoholic drink: Sex on the Beach... made by my choice bartender
14. Favorite sport: to watch: hockey or football to play: Ultimate Frisbee
15. Hair color: Brown with red highlights (I can't wait until I dye it and cut it)
16. Eye color: Brown
17. Siblings: Older half sister, younger sister.
18. Favorite month: May-ish I suppose... it gets warmer then
19. Last movie you watced: Does the Highlander Series count? I mean the entire season 5...
20. Favorite days of the year: First weekend of Aug (Ren Faire starts) and the Nov 1st (Mansion season ends)
21. Are you too shy to ask someone out? N.... maybe
22. Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
23. Do you want your friends to write back: Umm... well being that I am finally getting to this now (sorry Julie) and it shall be in my journal... won't kill me if they don't, I'm just bored.
24. Who is most likely to respond: Maybe Sash... she does these things.
25. Who is least likely: Julie... I got it from her.
26 . Living arrangements? Living with Chuck for now out in the middle of no where in Hopewell, NY.
27. What books are you reading? Well I just finished the Encyclopedia of Executions/Torture... THAT was interesting. Well hey, I need to study up for Ren Faire
28. What did you do last night: Gave a massage, stayed up till 5am slept till 10
29. Favorite smell: The smell of 'guy' you know.. that man scent.. their calogne/deotarnt stuff. Jeff smells REAL nice, So does Billy... and Rob.
30. Can you touch your nose with your tongue: Yep
31. What inspires you: ... sadly, nothing... Maybe my dream for the future, but that shall be a way off.
32. Popcorn or Chips: hmmm... popcorn, ONLY Kettle Corn though
33. Favorite flower: Black or Crimson Rose, Lilac, Jasmine
34. Favorite cookie: Sugar
35. Favorite Rock Band or Favorite Music: I enjoy a bunch, I am on a Reel Big Fish kick right now though.
36. Least favorite smell: Vomit... does that count?
37. What color is your house: Hmmm... kinda greenish?
38. Where are you from: Saugerties NY
39. How many times a day do you take a $hit? I'm human, I take a crap every other day... or every day... depends, you know?
40. On an average, how many times a week do you have sex: Well, when I was with Billy... a bunch, 2-4 times at least... I haven't had sex since Valentines Day, when I was last with Billy. I'm going through withdrawl..... I'ma hoe.
41. Is there anyone in your life who you totally hate: My Daddy
42. How many times a day do you brush your teeth: 1-2
43. What is your favorite sound: The sound of Amy Lee's voice
44. What is your least favorite sound: A crying child... I twitch and say 'kill it'
45. Who is your best friend: Jackie, Matt, Mike, Exile, Avary, Billy, Chuck
46.What things do you collect: Roses, all dried up now. OH OH OH and things from The Crow... and body jewelry and tats. ... Anne RIce books as well.
47. Favorite song: "Hello" by Evanescence
48. Favorite Movie(s): Moulin Rouge, The Cell, Stigmata, Interview with the Vampire
49. Is there anyone in your life that you miss? Jackie, Exile, Mike, Billy... my mother...
50. Favorite vehicle: Avary;s ghetto pimpin mobile... it is SOOO broken down.
51. Any rings on your fingers: clata ring that Exile gave me, and a clack coral ring.
52. Ear rings: three in each ear, a nose ring as well.
53. What do you hate most: Mean people
54. Favorite cartoon? Family Guy, Sailor Moon, Jimmy Neutron
55. How many years have you lived at your current house: Maybe about a month or two?
56. Favorite pasttime: Sleep, writing, planning tats and piercings, hanging with friends, smoking (for now)
57. Dream vacation: Somewhere warm and nice... beach perhaps with a clear sea... with someone I love and who loves me.... much like the one me and Billy were planning.
58. Favorite things from the past that you miss: My mother... my sanity and innocence as well.. I miss them the most
59. Favorite place or places to visit: Avary's house, Billy's house... his bed... and Matt's house, it is sooo beautiful there.
60. Your birthday: Feb 27 1985
61. Do your farts normally stink: Not like Jeff's... HOLY GWAD...
62. What is on your Mouse Pad: Brandon Lee dressed as the Crow *swoon*
63. Nickname (s): Vicky, Vichard, Wench, Star, Serena and someone once called me Bella
64. Any plans tonight: Work... Reel Big Fish at the Chance tonight!
65. Favorite food (s): Prime Rib... french fries
66. What do you do for a living: Waitress
67. Glasses or contacts: Glasses
68. Favorite season: Spring-Summer
69. Thing that you are most proud of: Being here... alive... not living with my father, not living under his rules.
70. Do you think this is enough questions? Yeppers on that one!

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thinking thinking

Apr. 27th, 2004 | 12:14 pm
My eyes show: awakeI am here
The stars dance to: The humming of the compy

You know... I used ot have a lot of friends, ons that would never break the bond of friendship, ones that would always be there for me... reading through the journals of many, well namely one, my Exile, I would have thought less of it.
It is as if my only companion in life has gone away. The nights we shared talking, the times e called asking for help, the trips to Woodstock, the hugs, the smiles, the tears that we shared... and now, I don't even remember what his voice sounds like. I suppose I miss him... a whole lot.
Never could I replace him, nor would I dare try... he is unique, something special and I wish people would see what I see in him.
My companion is on a trip of his own, so I shall wait with storybook in hand waiting for his return.
I miss you Exile, you're the best.

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Long time never see... sorry

Apr. 20th, 2004 | 08:59 pm
My eyes show: crushedcrushed
The stars dance to: Insomniac is playing in the background.

I am in CT right now at a friend's house, who is super nice.. btw. His name is Matt, (I have decided not to use the nicknames any longer... it makes no sense seeing that none of you know who they are anyways).

So... I dropped the rest of the semester in college and will be going back in the fall, I moved off of campus, but not back in with my father, for he is abusive and I do not think that I would be able to handle it any longer. But it is grand.. sorta. I moved in with my really good friend Chuck, who is 31. He is like my uncle, the guardian for me around here. He takes care of me and gets me jobs, like the Chance job, the Haunted Mansion and the Ren Faire. I love those jobs. They are funners. But the place is small and I have no room, but hey it is a place and it is home to me now.

Rob broke up with me yesterday, he says he is not ready for a relationship at this point in his life, but still wants to be close friends. I cried when I left and went to Matt's house. I stayed here last night and will be again tonight. So at least I am not alone, ya know? That could be bad... I don't want to go back to my cutting habbit, which would be bad... so instead I am the modern version... and shall be getting a piercing instead. It is hard, I know... but I really liked him and it seems that I am such a horrid person that people don't want to stay with me for a very long time. I mean... Billy and then him. I think I am trough with relationships for a long time. But oh well.
I also see his side, I mean he is failing HS and he needs time to get his life in gear before having a girlfriend... I still think I am at fault somehow. And it is not like I am not wanted by people... Billy still likes me to an extent (and I miss him dearly) and people at work would love to date me. So... I don't know. I am angry at myself I suppose.

Hmm... what else? Avary's b-day is today and Target's is on the 25th. For Avary's b-day I am going to help pay for a tattoo and for Target's b-day I am going to get him a set of throwing axes. It'll be good times.

Tomorrow, Target, Jim and Chuck and I shall be hanging out at Chuck's place. Talking about the Ren Faire and what we are going to. What deices are to be made, how some shirt designs shall be going. It's going to be funners. And we get to throw axes! Whee!

I have also been thinking a bunch but I dare not go into those thoughts right now for I shall be very unhappy and in someone's house, I do not want to do that. Specially around Matt.

So that is all for now, I think. I shall update soon... because my phone line is back up! WHOOOOOOOOOO! And I can update! YAY! So I am still alive.

I love you all... Smile and be happy. Live your days like they are your last.

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Mar. 18th, 2004 | 01:26 pm

So... as of tomorrow I am going to be moved back home... nointernet access... this sucks. I fucked up... and now I have to move back home with him I don't want to do that at all.... I'm scared.... I'm going to miss my friends here... and what about my boyfriend? He nor I drive... AND they are making me quit the job at The Chance... cause I won't be here on the weekends.. this blows... I hate them.. I hate myself.

This summer: gets loads of cash, get car, get liscense... YES... that will have to do

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Mar. 17th, 2004 | 01:30 pm
My eyes show: depresseddepressed
The stars dance to: silence

What do you do when your creator tries to destroy you... he tried today but I was lucky, cause I am in my dorm and not at home... but when I go home, things shall be different... I deserve it this time though... I have a .2 GPA. Why? Because I am a moronic asshole that skipped a bunch and have a lot of sick days out because well... I am an unhealthy person.
A cold slap across a gentle cheek.... what else am I to do?

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